Feeling Wonderful
by spottedhorse
Summary: Jim gets a phone call from Ellie. Sofia sees his pain. Another inspiration from Broadway.


Song: Something Wonderful from The King and I

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_This is a man who thinks with his heart,  
His heart is not always wise._

It was apparent from his end of the conversation that she was in trouble again. His anguish was written in the lines of his face and the sadness of his normally playful eyes. He had been so happy these past few months. Things had been going so well. And now, he was being pulled back into her mess.

But that's who he is, thought Sofia. He's her father, no matter what the DNA says. And she has his heart despite everything. She always will because she's his little girl. He had told Sofia the whole messed up story about him and his daughter, Ellie. He'd loved her from the first moment he saw her and no one would ever convince him that she wasn't his daughter in all the ways that really matter. She had trampled on his heart several times but he was determined to be there for her whenever she needed him.

_This is a man who stumbles and falls,  
But this is a man who tries._

Jim had told Sofia about his daughter early in their relationship. He admitted to making many mistakes with her. And his leaving New Jersey hadn't helped the realtionship at all. Ellie just couldn't seem to understand that Jersey was killing him. If he had stayed, he would have drowned in the bottom of a bottle. A new beginning had given him the chance to put himself back together. She had been a big reason he wanted to put himself back together. He couldn't be any good for her as long as he was swimming in booze. It was his hope that one day she would want a new beginning too. He just hoped she'd let him be there for her.

_This is a man you'll forgive and forgive,  
And help protect, as long as you live..._

Relationships were hard for him. He wanted to be good at them but somehow things had ended badly. He didn't trust himself to be good at it. His ex-wife had managed to convince hin that their problems were mostly his doing. He hadn't been a great husband, but in Sofia's mind he was being asked to carry more than his fair share of the blame. It seemed that he was finally understanding that. Ellie had managed to lay a lot of guilt on him too. But he had tried to make things better. He kept going back for more punishment. She was a user, much like her mother, Sofia suspected. Jim would never see it that way though.

He had made mistakes in their relationship too. He wasn't perfect by any means. But Sofia was always warmed by his small kindnesses and gentle nature...not at all the man at home that everyone saw at the station. At home with just the two of them, he was open and vulnerable. None of his co-workers would recognize the sensitive, soft spoken, gentle man that shared her bed.

_He will not always say  
What you would have him say,  
But now and then he'll do  
Something Wonderful._

He could be so dense at times, totally missing the obvious about her mood or what she might be thinking. And then other times it was if he was totally in tune, offering a back rub or a soak in the tub. Flowers and trinkets would mysteriously appear on her desk or she'd get a really funny text message to lighten her day. One day she'd come home from a gruesome scene smelling raunchy and not feeling very beautiful at all. He insisted that she clean up and put on her prettiest dress. They spent the night dining and dancing. In the middle of one of the dances he'd leaned into her ear and whispered, "Every man in the room is staring at you and wondering how a dumb smuck like me gets to hold you in his arms. I'm the luckiest man alive." By the time he took her home, she felt like a princess.

_He has a thousand dreams  
That won't come true,  
You know that he believes in them  
And that's enough for you._

And here he is on the phone with Ellie. He wants things to be right with them. It's his dream. Sofia didn't see it ever happening. Ellie was having too much fun tormenting her father. But Jim needs to believe it can happen, she thought. And so I'll do what I can to help him. And I'll be there for him when she crushes him again.

_You'll always go along,  
Defend him where he's wrong  
And tell him, when he's strong  
He is Wonderful_

No, he hadn't been a particularly good husband or father. But he wanted so much to do better. And he was so hard on himself. Damn, Sofia thought, he goes and pulls a hero stunt and gets himself shot and somehow he sees that as a screw up too. She wouldn't listen to him when he started that though. As far as she was concerned, he was a hero. She loved him all the more for that part of him that went into that room to save Jackie, no matter that he knew the situation was all wrong. He was her hero and she wanted to kick his ass for doing such a stupid thing at the same time. But right or wrong, she loved him. And she knew that he needed her. He needs to feel my love, she thought.

_He'll always need your love  
And so he'll get your love-  
A man who needs your love  
Can be Wonderful._

She walked to where he sat. Her hands found his shoulders and her fingers caressed his neck. She felt him relax at her touch. He needs me as much as I need him. Closing his phone at the end of the call, his eyes found hers, the sadness overwhelming her. Sometimes she wished Ellie would fall off the earth. But that would hurt him and she didn't want anymore pain in his life. Where Ellie is concerned, she thought, there's no way to win. But I love him and I need him to be happy. She hugged him and he held onto her for comfort. "I love you," he whispered. And loving him makes me feel ...wonderful.

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Reviews are always...wonderful!


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